I have somehow managed to successfully night wean my 2 year old despite cosleeping but he feeds sooo often throughout the day. I’m just a bit done with getting my boobs out all the time and would love to carry on without the constant demands for it. Not sure it’s possible to just feed maybe morning and bedtime with him like I did with my daughters but equally don’t feel ready to totally stop. We went cold turkey for 5 days and I just felt so sad that I ended up feeding him again! I hadn’t really put 2 and 2 together that the sadness was probably a massive hormone drop.
Just night weaning my 2.5 year old. She’s eating A LOT of Pecan nuts at night instead now. It’s blooming difficult. My oldest went till 3. It’s werid mix of pride and can we just be done already pls.
I just found that Emma Pickett has started a podcast about weaning, and weaning slightly older children. It’s been so reassuring and refreshing from all the usual support. So absolutely recommend it 🙂
That’s exactly right; I feel so grateful I’ve been able to go so long with all three & not have any real issue with it… except now I need us to both find a way to move on.
Thank you for the recommendation, will definitely take a look! (Also may just go order a bunch of pecans and hope for the best) x
Thank you so much for writing this! I weaned my 16mo this month cold turkey (from 2 short feeds per day) and I went to NY on a short break was while she was at home with my husband here in the UK. She was absolutely fine and hasn't been bothered / tried to feed since I returned BUT my god, the anxiety I had was exactly how you described it here.
I have a history of anxiety but I manage it pretty well nowadays and this was wild, I had panic attacks lasting hours for a couple of days straight... It reminded me of the "baby blues" as I was just crying at random things all the time.
It's bizarre to me that something so widely documented like breastfeeding is not really discussed when it comes to weaning, and the impact that can have.
So interesting to read you had two very different experiences, I wonder if I have another child if it'll be the same or different next time around!
Oh I’m so sorry you experienced that Ellen! I too have suffered with anxiety for as long as I can remember so it’s not an alien feeling for me; to have this come out of nowhere and with such gusto was just dreadful and exactly how you describe it. Hoping this time around I can maybe ease it off more as opposed to it being quite so abrupt and maybe I’ll find a kinder experience? X
Susie - I’m right there with you. My youngest is 3 in 2 weeks and for the last 8 mornings I have said no there’s no milktime in the morning. She’s still chancing it every day, her little (very strong) fingers lifting up my pj top, her argument of “but I’m still the baby of the family” and “I’m not three yet” just proves that she is growing up. I am still breast feeding to sleep at night but not through the night. I’ve been boobing it for 6 years with only a 4 month break in between - I want my body back, my boobs to be for me (I might eventually let my husband touch them again, one day, maybe). But how do we get there, how will I drop this last feed in the evening? Without being cruel like you say, gentle persuasion isn’t working, I wish she would just stop of her own accord but she’s such a milk monster. I hadn’t considered that there may be a mood change for me. You are so right on the no guidance to wean, all the extended breastfeeding sites say is that they baby will self wean. And then if you dare ask someone, the horror that you are STILL breastfeeding reaction means that you can’t get any real advice.
Precisely. And I think when they *are* that little bit older and vocalise how sad they are or offer up reasoning, it makes it all the more hard! Trying to prevent an overtired and sad toddler grappling for your boobs when you yourself are knackered is very difficult too; particularly when you know you can comfort them right there and then :(
Think we’ll try to drop the mid-night feeding and then it’ll only be the bedtime feed I have to deal with. Gosh who even knew this would be such a minefield! X
I learnt at a breastfeeding workshop last week that the average time frame parents breastfeed children around the world is till 2.5-5 years so we are early stoppers in those terms! I was so proud for feeding till 2. I also stopped due to pregnancy and just wanting my body back for a couple of months and I, too, wish I had a child who just said i'm done and stopped by herself. Instead she's now 2.5 and asked just last week if she could have a drink! Hoping she's not too envious when the next one is born in the new year...
Yeah I think our stats are pretty sad really; not that I’m some sort of strident boob feeder ambassador but just that I think a lot of women who *can* do it and *do* enjoy it would continue if the shame wasn’t there. I wonder how it’ll be for you to tandem? Or if maybe she hops off before then… Always think tandem feeding is just another level of Wonder Mum! X
Like everyone else I’m here just in sympathy! My first stopped about 2years and 8months, and it was relatively easy, she loved the boob but also seemed accepting (albeit reluctantly) to stop. My second was a whole other story. He never took a dummy and basically used my boobs as a substitute at any moment. He fed for nourishment, comfort, when hurting, when sad, when happy, when he felt like it, for sleep, and for snuggles. He did NOT want to stop. I never really minded feeding but also felt my libido suffered and that 3 years of that being suppressed was enough. Made big deal out of him turning three and moving into a big boy bed so not being able to have boobs, just cuddles. Marking a clear date helped for both of us I think, but it was still so hard.
Friends who used to say at 9months their kid just didn’t want boobs anymore seemed unbelievable, and lucky in some respects.
And I agree on the judgments too, as soon as they’re one the comments turn from “you’re so lucky you can fed them easily” to “oh, are you STILL feeding them?”, and it feels weird being judged for something that feels so natural and normal one day to being out of the ordinary the next. It felt unnatural to stop when neither parties who were actually involved wanted to continue, and when nothing had changed except the time that had passed since their birth.
Good luck with Daph, here’s hoping it goes as smooth as it can do xx
Oh my goodness YES - my middle child was like that. Everything was solved by boob! So now I think of it really, I probably went cold turkey when we were still too much in the trenches and maybe I should have eased us out a little more gradually. Did you find any sort of mood drop or were you ok? Really pleased you've mentioned libido too because that’s definitely something I struggle with thanks to feeling touched out and a bit ick around my boobs being included during anything even remotely sexual… x
It's blooming hard isn't it! Mine have all had 'Cuggaboobie' until between 2.5 and 3.5. I was the same, didn't feel any side effects as such from stopping with my first, but I was pregnant with my 2nd then too. Went down a glum path after stopping with 2 and 3, took a ton of vitamins to help boost me, realised that worked nicely and by the time I came to stop feeding number 4 I finally felt a bit more prepared for it.
My sister suggested putting plasters on my nips and saying there were too sore/having a break/need a rest ect and it actually really helped.
I definitely found it hard to talk about as well when I was going through it too purely for the age and judgement, but we should be massively proud of what we achieved and stick a finger up to those who judge. Good luck, you've done amazing 🤩❤️
Thanks so much my love; and you too! Have been advised to do the plasters thing by a few people so I reckon I’ll give it a go and see how we fare. Hopefully she’ll take pity on my battered nips! And great suggestion on the supplements side too actually because I don’t do enough of that already and know that I should xx
I could write practically the same thing! Stopped when my eldest had just just turned 3 because my milk disappeared while I was pregnant. Youngest is now pretty much the same age as Daph and we're still feeding to sleep and then in the early hours as well. I know she can go without - she sleeps over with her Nan once a month or so, but she’s not ready to give up yet either! I'm sure there's only dregs left now!
Oh my goodness yes honestly, I just can’t believe there’s anything still going on in there milk wise! Nice to hear your little one will have sleepovers quite happily; when we have babysitters she settles pretty well so I think it’s just *me* being around that prevents her from just going to sleep without the boob addition. Maybe I’ll make myself scarce for a few days before she settles down… x
Very similar journey for me for my first, I had major aversion and HG during my second pregnancy and had to get him off the nip before I threw him across the room. Again we just had to rough it out for 3 days of cuddles, explaining it was finished and I was grateful he took a dummy (he was 20 months)
Izzy was harder as I knew she was my last which I think made it more emotional for me and she’s a stubborn madam. Like you I found no help other than suggestions for like 6 month olds. In the end we just had to go through the same high neck jumpers, gentle explaining the milk was gone, cuddles and tears. We tried my partner doing bedtimes but she’d just protest until I was available, I think as she was older it made more sense to explain rather than just remove me from the equation. I can’t remember if it was exactly 3 days again, I know it felt brutal but then suddenly it was done. She was 2y8m. I do remember being sad that I wasn’t going to do it again or have a tiny little newborn or soothe a toddler again.
Good luck, and if all fails at least it’ll help soothe her when she is going through mortgage applications 😉
This is very true; all that paperwork requires a comfort.
LOL at you and your feeding aversion because oh my goodness isn’t it intense? I feel like it actually made me feel more sick sometimes. I just got the proper ick. Interesting to hear your little one still needed you in the room at bedtime; i do suspect Daphne will be the same if she knows I’m there and I’d ready not cut off the affection altogether so I might opt for the high necked tops and plasters if she’s not feeling Greg! Thanks for all the suggestions :) x
I feel this in my bones. Both of mine fed to sleep until about 3.5yrs. My eldest weaned pretty easily when I couldn’t handle it anymore during pregnancy and my youngest didn’t have a choice when I caught the most horrific case of norovirus I’ve ever experienced. Sorry I can’t really give any advice but I feel you. X
Oh my goodness I’ve been there with the feeding during Norovirus and wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. It was when my middle one was still pretty young though so I think I jut laid there comatose and he latched on in between naps. So tricky when you've got little ones who are just happy to keep going isn’t it? X
If you do find any helpful advice I’d be glad to know! My first self weaned at 17months (thanks hand foot and mouth!) so I’ve got no clue how to do it! My 2nd is 2.5years and still a big milkie fan.
Aless, let’s hope in about 3 months I’m putting together some sort of REALLY useful Top Tips for Weaning Boob Obsessed Toddlers guide and we’re all still sane (doubtful but you never know) x
Haha that would be great thanks! My friend thinks a 3 night stay away from the boob obsessed one is enough to break the habit. Sign Greg up for 3 nights looking after yours and report back. Also, think how rested you’ll be after 3 nights in a hotel/retreat/spa!
I have somehow managed to successfully night wean my 2 year old despite cosleeping but he feeds sooo often throughout the day. I’m just a bit done with getting my boobs out all the time and would love to carry on without the constant demands for it. Not sure it’s possible to just feed maybe morning and bedtime with him like I did with my daughters but equally don’t feel ready to totally stop. We went cold turkey for 5 days and I just felt so sad that I ended up feeding him again! I hadn’t really put 2 and 2 together that the sadness was probably a massive hormone drop.
Ah Susie so nice to find you here! And thanks for sharing this, couldn’t agree more. That change in hormonal balance is terrifying isn’t it xx
And you too!
Yes :( I think the fear of it having such an impact again has been playing on my mind without me realising for a while…
Just night weaning my 2.5 year old. She’s eating A LOT of Pecan nuts at night instead now. It’s blooming difficult. My oldest went till 3. It’s werid mix of pride and can we just be done already pls.
I just found that Emma Pickett has started a podcast about weaning, and weaning slightly older children. It’s been so reassuring and refreshing from all the usual support. So absolutely recommend it 🙂
That’s exactly right; I feel so grateful I’ve been able to go so long with all three & not have any real issue with it… except now I need us to both find a way to move on.
Thank you for the recommendation, will definitely take a look! (Also may just go order a bunch of pecans and hope for the best) x
Thank you so much for writing this! I weaned my 16mo this month cold turkey (from 2 short feeds per day) and I went to NY on a short break was while she was at home with my husband here in the UK. She was absolutely fine and hasn't been bothered / tried to feed since I returned BUT my god, the anxiety I had was exactly how you described it here.
I have a history of anxiety but I manage it pretty well nowadays and this was wild, I had panic attacks lasting hours for a couple of days straight... It reminded me of the "baby blues" as I was just crying at random things all the time.
It's bizarre to me that something so widely documented like breastfeeding is not really discussed when it comes to weaning, and the impact that can have.
So interesting to read you had two very different experiences, I wonder if I have another child if it'll be the same or different next time around!
Oh I’m so sorry you experienced that Ellen! I too have suffered with anxiety for as long as I can remember so it’s not an alien feeling for me; to have this come out of nowhere and with such gusto was just dreadful and exactly how you describe it. Hoping this time around I can maybe ease it off more as opposed to it being quite so abrupt and maybe I’ll find a kinder experience? X
Susie - I’m right there with you. My youngest is 3 in 2 weeks and for the last 8 mornings I have said no there’s no milktime in the morning. She’s still chancing it every day, her little (very strong) fingers lifting up my pj top, her argument of “but I’m still the baby of the family” and “I’m not three yet” just proves that she is growing up. I am still breast feeding to sleep at night but not through the night. I’ve been boobing it for 6 years with only a 4 month break in between - I want my body back, my boobs to be for me (I might eventually let my husband touch them again, one day, maybe). But how do we get there, how will I drop this last feed in the evening? Without being cruel like you say, gentle persuasion isn’t working, I wish she would just stop of her own accord but she’s such a milk monster. I hadn’t considered that there may be a mood change for me. You are so right on the no guidance to wean, all the extended breastfeeding sites say is that they baby will self wean. And then if you dare ask someone, the horror that you are STILL breastfeeding reaction means that you can’t get any real advice.
Precisely. And I think when they *are* that little bit older and vocalise how sad they are or offer up reasoning, it makes it all the more hard! Trying to prevent an overtired and sad toddler grappling for your boobs when you yourself are knackered is very difficult too; particularly when you know you can comfort them right there and then :(
Think we’ll try to drop the mid-night feeding and then it’ll only be the bedtime feed I have to deal with. Gosh who even knew this would be such a minefield! X
Also, a wonderful account I follow on insta @mamamatters has a toddler night weaning guide, I haven't checked it out myself but it's meant to be great https://www.mamamatters.com.au/workshop-night-weaning-toddler
I learnt at a breastfeeding workshop last week that the average time frame parents breastfeed children around the world is till 2.5-5 years so we are early stoppers in those terms! I was so proud for feeding till 2. I also stopped due to pregnancy and just wanting my body back for a couple of months and I, too, wish I had a child who just said i'm done and stopped by herself. Instead she's now 2.5 and asked just last week if she could have a drink! Hoping she's not too envious when the next one is born in the new year...
Yeah I think our stats are pretty sad really; not that I’m some sort of strident boob feeder ambassador but just that I think a lot of women who *can* do it and *do* enjoy it would continue if the shame wasn’t there. I wonder how it’ll be for you to tandem? Or if maybe she hops off before then… Always think tandem feeding is just another level of Wonder Mum! X
Like everyone else I’m here just in sympathy! My first stopped about 2years and 8months, and it was relatively easy, she loved the boob but also seemed accepting (albeit reluctantly) to stop. My second was a whole other story. He never took a dummy and basically used my boobs as a substitute at any moment. He fed for nourishment, comfort, when hurting, when sad, when happy, when he felt like it, for sleep, and for snuggles. He did NOT want to stop. I never really minded feeding but also felt my libido suffered and that 3 years of that being suppressed was enough. Made big deal out of him turning three and moving into a big boy bed so not being able to have boobs, just cuddles. Marking a clear date helped for both of us I think, but it was still so hard.
Friends who used to say at 9months their kid just didn’t want boobs anymore seemed unbelievable, and lucky in some respects.
And I agree on the judgments too, as soon as they’re one the comments turn from “you’re so lucky you can fed them easily” to “oh, are you STILL feeding them?”, and it feels weird being judged for something that feels so natural and normal one day to being out of the ordinary the next. It felt unnatural to stop when neither parties who were actually involved wanted to continue, and when nothing had changed except the time that had passed since their birth.
Good luck with Daph, here’s hoping it goes as smooth as it can do xx
Oh my goodness YES - my middle child was like that. Everything was solved by boob! So now I think of it really, I probably went cold turkey when we were still too much in the trenches and maybe I should have eased us out a little more gradually. Did you find any sort of mood drop or were you ok? Really pleased you've mentioned libido too because that’s definitely something I struggle with thanks to feeling touched out and a bit ick around my boobs being included during anything even remotely sexual… x
It's blooming hard isn't it! Mine have all had 'Cuggaboobie' until between 2.5 and 3.5. I was the same, didn't feel any side effects as such from stopping with my first, but I was pregnant with my 2nd then too. Went down a glum path after stopping with 2 and 3, took a ton of vitamins to help boost me, realised that worked nicely and by the time I came to stop feeding number 4 I finally felt a bit more prepared for it.
My sister suggested putting plasters on my nips and saying there were too sore/having a break/need a rest ect and it actually really helped.
I definitely found it hard to talk about as well when I was going through it too purely for the age and judgement, but we should be massively proud of what we achieved and stick a finger up to those who judge. Good luck, you've done amazing 🤩❤️
Thanks so much my love; and you too! Have been advised to do the plasters thing by a few people so I reckon I’ll give it a go and see how we fare. Hopefully she’ll take pity on my battered nips! And great suggestion on the supplements side too actually because I don’t do enough of that already and know that I should xx
I could write practically the same thing! Stopped when my eldest had just just turned 3 because my milk disappeared while I was pregnant. Youngest is now pretty much the same age as Daph and we're still feeding to sleep and then in the early hours as well. I know she can go without - she sleeps over with her Nan once a month or so, but she’s not ready to give up yet either! I'm sure there's only dregs left now!
Oh my goodness yes honestly, I just can’t believe there’s anything still going on in there milk wise! Nice to hear your little one will have sleepovers quite happily; when we have babysitters she settles pretty well so I think it’s just *me* being around that prevents her from just going to sleep without the boob addition. Maybe I’ll make myself scarce for a few days before she settles down… x
Just started weaning and needed to read this today 🙌🏻 why isn’t there the support?! Someone should make a podcast out of this surely..!
It would just be loads of us shouting ‘helllppp’ while toddlers go nuts in the background but at least we wouldn’t feel alone x
Very similar journey for me for my first, I had major aversion and HG during my second pregnancy and had to get him off the nip before I threw him across the room. Again we just had to rough it out for 3 days of cuddles, explaining it was finished and I was grateful he took a dummy (he was 20 months)
Izzy was harder as I knew she was my last which I think made it more emotional for me and she’s a stubborn madam. Like you I found no help other than suggestions for like 6 month olds. In the end we just had to go through the same high neck jumpers, gentle explaining the milk was gone, cuddles and tears. We tried my partner doing bedtimes but she’d just protest until I was available, I think as she was older it made more sense to explain rather than just remove me from the equation. I can’t remember if it was exactly 3 days again, I know it felt brutal but then suddenly it was done. She was 2y8m. I do remember being sad that I wasn’t going to do it again or have a tiny little newborn or soothe a toddler again.
Good luck, and if all fails at least it’ll help soothe her when she is going through mortgage applications 😉
This is very true; all that paperwork requires a comfort.
LOL at you and your feeding aversion because oh my goodness isn’t it intense? I feel like it actually made me feel more sick sometimes. I just got the proper ick. Interesting to hear your little one still needed you in the room at bedtime; i do suspect Daphne will be the same if she knows I’m there and I’d ready not cut off the affection altogether so I might opt for the high necked tops and plasters if she’s not feeling Greg! Thanks for all the suggestions :) x
I feel this in my bones. Both of mine fed to sleep until about 3.5yrs. My eldest weaned pretty easily when I couldn’t handle it anymore during pregnancy and my youngest didn’t have a choice when I caught the most horrific case of norovirus I’ve ever experienced. Sorry I can’t really give any advice but I feel you. X
Oh my goodness I’ve been there with the feeding during Norovirus and wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. It was when my middle one was still pretty young though so I think I jut laid there comatose and he latched on in between naps. So tricky when you've got little ones who are just happy to keep going isn’t it? X
If you do find any helpful advice I’d be glad to know! My first self weaned at 17months (thanks hand foot and mouth!) so I’ve got no clue how to do it! My 2nd is 2.5years and still a big milkie fan.
Aless, let’s hope in about 3 months I’m putting together some sort of REALLY useful Top Tips for Weaning Boob Obsessed Toddlers guide and we’re all still sane (doubtful but you never know) x
Haha that would be great thanks! My friend thinks a 3 night stay away from the boob obsessed one is enough to break the habit. Sign Greg up for 3 nights looking after yours and report back. Also, think how rested you’ll be after 3 nights in a hotel/retreat/spa!